First, you've got to get a disgusted look on your face. Second, bend one arm to a 72 degree angle and rest the bent elbow on your hip. Now, fully extend the fingers on that same arm but spread them out only slightly. Next, quickly thrust the same hand back and forth in 4/4 time with a range of motion of only three or four inches. Pull you chin into your upper neck. After you've got all these elements going simultaneously, say something like "Ugh! This is such an evil holiday." Then add something like "A lady in our old ward told me...", or "I was reading on the internet...", or "One time, when we lived in Alaska...". What you say after that doesn't really matter because you most likely will have been tuned out.
Can you guess what the costume is? That's right--a Witch! Ha ha ha ha!
I jest, I jest.
Anyway, I guess it was kind of ironic that my last post's purpose was to get Elise to blog again, and then I went on a blogging hiatus. But, you can't argue with results. Since I called her out less than two months ago, Elise has blogged 18 times.
DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH!
I guess she has more to write about than I do. I mean, right now I'm just typing words to take up space. This sentence is completely superfluous. As is this one. In fact, this whole paragraph is basically a waste, both in the time it took me to write it and in the time you took to read it. Yet I keep writing and you keep reading. Perhaps were both hoping it comes to some grand conclusion or helps to uncover some startling epiphany. At least then the invested effort would be justified. But nine sentences in and there is still nothing. Now ten sentences. Alright, I guess that last sentence was incomplete and shouldn't count but this sentence will make it ten and, if you count the incomplete sentence as a half, then the tally would be ten and a half, but this is turning into a run-on sentence and that should count extra which, when totaled with the incomplete sentence, makes it an even 11. Now any chance of salvaging anything useful from this paragraph is looking less and less likely. It's looking more and more like a lost cause. If some sort of meaningful substance isn't produced soon, not only will you regret reading this paragraph, but perhaps the entire blog post. Indeed, the negative aspects of this useless paragraph could offset any benefit from the rest of the post. The awesome Mom-jab at the beginning may not even be enough to redeem it now. And I really, really liked that Mom-jab. Now, my time has already been spent in writing, and if i delete this paragraph then all I've got is a really good Mom-jab. Sure, a good Mom-jab can stand on its own, but if I delete this huge paragraph then it will look like I went two months without posting anything except a Mom-jab (albeit a decidedly good one). Plus you've already read this far so you really probably don't have anything better to do. Here's what I'll do, I'll type a sentence in red before this paragraph telling you in no uncertain terms not to read it and then, if you do, you have no one else to blame but yourself.
Bentionary
Mom-jab [mom-jab] (noun) Any lighthearted observations about one's own mother's personality, habits, and/or mannerisms.
